Andrea Simpson

This is what I would look like if I lived in Springfield.

Has anyone seen the new movie yet? I'm going on Sunday - WOOT!

Question for the boys...

Would you rather cry every time you have an erection or poop your pants every time you sneeze?

I'm bored @ work July Audit

I am reading: The Artist's Way - it's half inspiring, half a load of wank. So sometimes I feel inspired, but most of the time I feel like a wanker.
I am listening to: A CD I made for myself for when I clean my house. It features Dr. Love by The Bumblebeez, Kick It by Peaches & Iggy Pop, We Are The Night by The Chemical Brothers, Claude Von Stroke, LCD Sound System, Ben Kweller.
I want more money to buy: The t-shirt above.
I am thinking: Shit I hope my show STARKERS goes ok.
Last good deed: One of the bar staff at the Scotsman lost his motorbike gloves, I found them and returned them. I got a free beer.
Last bad one: I've been neglecting my dog Gus. I feel sooo bad. And having to leave Lindsay's Birthday party early on account of almost fainting.
Last good one done for me: My ex-boyfriend went into the city for me to buy me Diro foundation!
I am wondering: How I can get money to take my show to Adelaide Fringe, Melbourne Comedy Festival and Edinburgh next year.
People I wish could be come to my show: Simon Pegg, my friend Jane who is in Columbia, Baggas & Renae in Melbourne and my Poppy.
I have realised: That I bite the inside of my mouth when I'm anxious and nervous. I have to stop thinking about my show before my mouth is totally mutilated.
Good stuff people should indulge in: Brookhampton Estate Winery. I have it free for my Opening Night and there's bound to be left overs that I'll be indulging in.
I hate: Feeling this sick before a show.
Last random thing: I'm sick of being called 'Former 96fm Breakfast Announcer' - after this show that title has to be dropped. It's fucking embarrassing.
Any advice?: Kerry said to me last night re: my show, "Don't fuck it up"
So I am glad: People are exciting about watching me perform.

Church is only good for one thing, and it comes in a jar...

My nephew was baptised last year.

It was the second time I'd been to church in my life – my family doesn't really dig God.

I was 6 yrs old the first time I went to church and all I remember is that someone gave me a cupcake to keep me quiet. I had to sit through the entire sermon holding this cupcake and wasn’t allowed to eat it until the end. And they say Jesus suffered!

Anyway, nephews baptitty. I rock up – it’s a beautiful church in City Beach, well swanky, but the ceremony was soooo dull. I was so grossly hungover and I had no idea when to stand up, sit down, sing, say ‘Amen’. By the time it all finished I was thinking, ‘What a waste of fucking time’.

Then, on the way out I saw a table. It was covered in jars. And hanging from the table was a sign that read - ‘Holy Water - For Use At Home’.

I couldn’t help myself. I got a jar. I couldn’t resist the gingham covered lids.

I haven’t used it yet. But I keep it hidden in my bedside table. One day, when I’m incredibly hung over, and there’s no Mersyndol in the house, I know I’ll reach for the jar. If there’s one thing that can stop you head from spinning and your bedroom walls getting covered in spew, it’s holy water.